Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Because I Never Want to Forget Part II

For those of you who love the gory pictures, here you go!





I think about the most fun thing you can do with a wound that looks like it could turn septic at any moment, an achilles tendon that was just repaired and a boot and a pair of crutches is head to the beach 12 hours away.

So that's just what we did.

My doctor changed my cast before I left because a) my cast was so tight it felt like my foot was having contractions and at any moment it was going to birth another foot and because b) we were headed to the beach. Although, it still doesn't make any sense because he told me to stay away from the sand and the water.

Oh good! So let's go!!!!!!!!

I had a long week at the beach. We went for a family reunion with Paul's side of the family. To get into any of the houses that we rented, I had to go up 2 flights of stairs. And, just to get to the beach so I could sit and sweat, I had to "walk" at least a football field.

After a long week, it took us 15 hours to get home and we got up the next morning and went to church. After church, we went to out to lunch because we didn't have any food in the house. When lunch was over, I sent Paul home with the kids and my mom out to pull up the car. She was going to take me to the grocery store, but I had to go to the bathroom first. The restaurant was not very crowded and I was so glad because when I have to GO.... I like to GO A L O N E!

I was hobbling back to the restroom and when I was just about at the door, this lady came up right behind me, "Oh, what you do to your foot?"

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!! I have been living in a 1000 sq foot house at the beach with 17 people (yes, 17 people in one house) for a week. All I want it some privacy in the bathroom.

I make my way inside. "I dropped a knife and severed my achilles tendon."

I turned around to look at a woman and upon first glance and I got the vibe that she might be a little socially awkward. She had some really bad frosted hair that is spiked up all over the place, red lipstick and frosty blue eye shadow.

She responded, "Oh, did you have to have surgery."

I proceeded into the stall thinking surely she will not shut up, do her business and leave.

"Yes."

She headed into her stall and I heard, "So, who was your surgeon?"

"Dr. Walker." Keeping the answers brief. She'll get the point.

"Is he at the Valley?"

"No."

"Oh! He's not? Where is he?"

OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!! I do NOT want to talk to you! I have business to do in here.

"He's at____________".

"I'm a nurse. I thought sure he was at the Valley."

"Nope."

"So, how long ago did you do it?"

For the love of all that is holy! Isn't there some kind of unwritten etiquette that you don't talk to people through stalls when you don't know them?

"4 weeks ago."

"When was your surgery?"

At this point, I realized I was going to get nothing accomplished in there so I came out. And, yep, she was right there waiting on me.

"I had surgery on the 30th, 10 days after the injury."

I started drying my hands.

"When can you walk on it again?"

I walked to the door. Opened the door. Went out the door. Turned around. Held door open for myself and answered her ANNOYING question.

"Well, my brother is a foot and ankle surgeon and he says usually 8 weeks after surgery."

WRONG thing to say.

"Oh, where is he a surgeon?"

"Pittsburgh."

"Oh, so are you a nurse?"

At this point I have moved farther away and now she is holding the door open.

"No. I'm not a nurse."

"Oh, I'm surprised you're not a nurse."

NOW WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU SURPRISED I AM NOT A NURSE????
BECAUSE MY BROTHER IS A DOCTOR AND I HAVE AN INJURY???!!!

"So, what to you do?"

"I attend anger management classes so I don't shoot annoying people!!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE."

Ok so I didn't say that. I think I muttered something about being a teacher and then I turned and NEVER looked back. I told her my mom was waiting.

She went back into the restroom. Probably to finish the business she wouldn't let me do!!

Geesh!!

The next day, Janae asked if I could meet her after she taught her Zumba class. She too had been on vacation and we wanted to catch up. We decided to head to a little restaurant that I had never been to. It had an outdoor seating area and we thought it would be nice to sit outside and talk.

We had probably been there about 20 minutes when the door opened and headed out to sit at the table right next to us was..... yep, the lady from the day before.

I gasped and Janae turned and said, "What?!"

I said, "That lady! She was at the same restaurant I was at yesterday."

Janae, being facetious says, "I don't know how you'd recognize her."

No one could forget that hair.

I lowered my voice and I said, "I've got to tell you about her."

I leaned in closer so I could whisper and Janae could hear me.

The lady and her husband/boyfriend ? were seated RIGHT next to us.

As the frosty spiky haired lady was being seated, she looked at the back of Janae's Zumba shirt and she started talking, "So, you teach Zuhmba?

My eyes got really wide and I looked straight into Janae's eyes and I said, "She just asked you if you teach Zuhmba? ZUHMBA!"

We fought the urge to die laughing, instead we ignored her and I kept talking.

Again we heard, "So, you teach Zuhmba?"

Again we ignored her.

Why is she saying it like that?

I honestly don't know how we kept it together. We are not the most mature people together. We think the same things are funny and we laugh... A LOT!

We kept looking at each other and kept right on talking. She was not saying A WORD to her boyfriend/husband (same guy she was with the day before, by the way) and she kept glancing at our table.

I whispered, "Janae, she keeps looking over her for any break in our conversation to talk to us."

Janae: "Just don't look at her."

We had managed to avoid her for a long time. But at about 10 pm and we decided we both needed to head home.

We stood up and she saw her chance. "So, you teach Zuhmba?

Janae: "Yes, I do."

"Yeah, I've been to your Zumba class. (She said Zumba. She can say it right! Why was she saying Zuhmba then?) (And, WHY DID SHE KEEP ASKING IF SHE ALREADY KNEW THE ANSWER?) Yeah, but you move so damn fast I can't keep up with you! I'm going to come again. You still teach on Wednesday? Yeah, I'll be there Wednesday. Where do you think I should stand? I've stood in the back and I can't really see that well. I don't want to be in the front though."

Janae came up with a brilliant idea, "Well, I guess you could stand in the middle?"

"Yeah. I'll be there Wednesday."

She shifted her focus to me. "What happened to your foot?"

Seriously?!

"I dropped a knife and severed my achilles tendon."

"Oh, d'ya have surgery."

IS THIS A JOKE?

"Yes."

"Who was your surgeon?"

"Dr. Walker."

"Oh, is he at the Valley?"

Ok! Where's the camera? There is no way this lady does not remember this same story from a little more than 24 hours ago.

"No."

"Are you a nurse?"

WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME IF I'M A NURSE?

"No. I'm not a nurse."

Janae started walking away and I followed right behind her. We got through the door to the inside of the restaurant, waited for the door to close safely behind us and burst into tears of laughter.

What are the chances? What is wrong with people and how on earth do they find me?

I went to Zumba on that Wednesday.

Oh yes I did! I sat right there next to the Janae's stage and prayed to the good Lord that the frosted spiky haired lady would show up. I could just visualize her doing some Zuhmba.

You can imagine my disappointed.

And, this story my friends, is what I really want to remember about my injury.

Socially awkward people! I love them!!!



3 comments:

Jenney said...

You warned us about the gory pictures. You failed to warn those of us who have birthed four children to go use the facilities. I had to run. You are too funny.

Nicole's Mom said...

Oh, How I have missed you posting. You always give me a good laugh. You should write a book.

Lori said...

HILARIOUS!!!!