To The Mountains of North Carolina

My friend Janae, who I may or may not have mentioned once or twice, and her husband Michael, invited us to go on a little vacation to the mountains of North Carolina.  Michael's parents own a house in a quaint little town in NC.  And, since the price was right and the company perfect, we decided it was a plan.

They arrived at our house at 7:30 am on a Wednesday morning a couple of weeks ago.  I'm pretty sure that Michael was fully expecting a fiasco watching a family of 7 get ready to leave for 5 days... and I am confident he did not think we'd be on time.

I think he was pleasantly surprised.  (Me too!)

A stop at Starbucks was in order before we could even leave our county. Coffee for Janae and I and then a stop at Speedway for Paul's 44 oz fountain Mt. Dew. Have I ever mentioned that he has one of these EVERY morning?

It's true. He does.

We played a little tag on the way out of the state.   They'd hadn't seen our van for awhile so at one point Janae called and said, "Did you guys go home?"

Before I continue, I want to say a few things.  First of all, I don't expect this stuff to be funny to everyone.  We laugh really hard at a lot of things and since this serves as a journal for me, I don't want to ever forget some of it.  That being said, I am going to fill you in on a couple of other things that Janae and I think are really funny.  We have on going conversations, text messages, and whathaveyou on a couple of different things right now.  

1)  One day we were leaving a store and this lady goes, "Where Barb at?"  And since Janae never believes there is an occasion where one should end a sentence with a preposition, she asks me this question ALL THE TIME.  "Where Barb at?"

2) I told Janae one day that Paul had ordered a nursery full of LaRope.  When I said it like that, I thought we were going to have to re-inflate her lung that collapsed last summer.  I don't know plants so you could tell me the name of something and I'd just go right along with it.  So, when Paul repeated the way his aunt named some plant, we just called it the same thing.... LaRope.  It's actually Liriope (la rye o pee).

ANYWAY...

When we finally caught up with their car, Janae held up a pad of paper and in huge letters she wrote:

WHERE BARB AT?

Of course, I cracked up.

Then, she took the pad of paper back down.  She crossed out Barb and wrote LaRope and held it back up in the window.

Again, I thought I was going to die.  With all the laughing we do, we should seriously be two of the healthiest people that ever lived.  

We stopped for lunch at Wendy's.  When Paul came back with his tray, Janae goes, "Paul... um... you missed the ketchup cup!"  Again, our sides about split open.  

Seriously, will you look at that mound o' ketchup?    I know it clearly does not take much to make us laugh, but he came to the table with his tray looking just that.  He thought about the little cup.......
When Janae and Michael travel this particular route to NC, they always have to stop at this fireworks store... for fireworks.





And, apparently, they take pictures in all the things sitting out front.  So, I took pictures with all the kids sitting in the things out front.









And, I know this is going to shock you... but there were some things inside the store, that cracked us up.  
A little package of beans that say:  Bubble Bath- cook and eat one hour before bathing.

Chopsticks.  The only kind I could possibly ever use.  The chopsticks were a giant clothespin.

Beware:  Tiny white bat.  Open at your own risk.

Ok, so haha!!

We finally made it to the house in NC.  Once we carried in our suitcases, Janae and I headed to Walmart for groceries.  It was the longest grocery trip of our lives.  

I think Michael and Paul thought we were just out having a field day buying groceries, but, if you do the grocery shopping for your family, then you know how frustrating it is to go to an unfamiliar store.

Of course, we found many reasons to laugh.

One was this bag of cereal.  Seriously!!!  Is that the biggest bag of cereal you have ever seen?  Where do you store that thing in a kitchen?  It's like a bag of dog food.  And, for crying out loud.. is it any wonder our country is so fat?

Things weren't funny for a long time after that.  We were there about 2 hours and we just wanted to be done.  But, as we were making our way to the checkout, we got a second wind because we spotted this old gentleman working in Walmart.

Janae said, "WHAT IS THAT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD?  A TAIL?"

Well, I had to check it out for myself, so I chased this old man around the store trying to take a picture of the growth of hair at the base of his neckline.

I just have one question:  Why?  Why would he have that little frayed piece of cotton-looking hair?  Doesn't he have any friends to tell him how ridiculous he looks?  I know he doesn't have a wife because she'd cut it off when he was sleeping. 

What about Walmart?  Don't they have a policy against this?  If they don't, they should!




And, lastly, for night #1.... I am sure it won't surprise you one bit to know that on our way home from Walmart,  Janae and I got lost on top of a dark, winding mountain looking for the house we were supposed to sleep in that night.  At least we didn't run out of gas. (Click here if you have not read that story.)

Stayed tuned.... there's more.