Thursday, November 20, 2008


Enough of the bodily fluids already!!  Geesh!

Yesterday, while driving in the car, Emme kept gagging.  Every time she would gag, the kids would laugh, or say something to her.

So, I said to them, "If she gets a reaction like that from you every time she does that, she's going to keep doing it." 


Miracles still do happen..... they stopped.

So, as we are pulling into the YMCA to take Gracie to gymnastics, I hear, "OH GROSS!!"

Then, "That's disgusting!"

"Mom!!!  Emme is throwing up everywhere!!"

So, I pull up in front of the Y and tell Shelby to walk Gracie into her class.  I, then, get out to survey the damage. 

 Oh, the damage!

Since Emme still has to sit backward (probably until she is 10... GAIN SOME WEIGHT ALREADY or at least take some of mine!), her lunch is all over the back of theseat.  She looked like she was wearing a scarf as it covered her neck and continued down under the coat.  I didn't even know where to start.

So, I straightened out her coat.  I kid you not.... there was a puddle sitting in the middle of her coast.  A very large puddle of very stinky milk.

I should tell you that before Paul and I got married we signed a prenuptial agreement.  It stated:  IF PAUL IS WITHIN A 30 MILE RADIUS, HE IS THE PUKE CLEANER UPPER.

Well, he was within said radius but there was no time to wait for him because Jackson had to get to tennis!  AHHH!!!!!!

So, using my pincher fingers I grab material and start ripping clothing off.  Thankfully, I had an outfit with me.  But, she had tights on and they were still clean... so we just put on the purple shirt with the black tights.  Doesn't sound bad but looked hideous!

At this point, it has been an eternity and Shelby is still not back.

So, I give the command to Jackson, "Jackson, run as fast as you can and find Shelby."

Jackson loves feeling like the man, so with his chest puffed out and the ever so cool look on his face, he runs into the Y.  Stopping of course to hit the handicap button because.... I HAVE TIME TO WAIT FOR THE DOOR TO SLOOOWWWLLLY OPEN!!

Comes back not 30 seconds later huffing and puffing like he just ran a marathon, (please, gasp for breath as you read) "I couldn't find her anywhere!"

Why!!  Why does that not surprise me??  Paul couldn't find the mustard in the refrigerator if it reached out and smacked him right across the face!  And, it seems his son is following in his footsteps.

So, now what??  Jackson needs to get to tennis.  Emme is crying because vomit is caking around her neck. She looks retarded in her purple shirt with black tights.  I don't know where Shelby is... what to do!!

Maybe Shelby just thinks she is supposed to stay with Gracie.  But, what if I leave and she comes outside looking for me??  And then, what if a stranger drives by right at that very second and kidnaps her??  What if someone grabbed both girls in the Y and took them out another door?

  These are all, of course, very logical rational thoughts.   

What if Shelby is in the bathroom tossing her cookies and she needs her mommy???

I breath a heavy sign, pull into the closest parking space, get little orphan Emme out of the car, with no coat, in 30 degree weather... and run like the wind (Bullseye) into the Y.

We sprint down the hall, past the pool.  Fly around the corner leading to the next hall.  Run down that hall.  About knock down a 90 year old man coming out of the workout room...all the while Emme's head is bouncing around like a bobble head doll.  We are a site I tell you!

I arrive at the entrance to the gym.  I instantly see Shelby.  She is sitting in the gym like a very responsible adult, working on school work and eating her orange slices.

I look at her like she's an idiot and yell, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!"

Poor thing is mortified.  "I thought I was staying here."

"Ok, fine!!  Stay!!  Your dad will be here soon!"

Me, Jackson and Emme run the same course back to the car.  We hop in the car and fly to the tennis center.

As were are pulling in the tennis center, I realize why I wanted Shelby.  Who's going to walk Jackson in???

I can't take Emme out of her seat again.  It ticks her off to get in and out and in and out.  And, sometimes when she gets really upset.... she vomits!  Big surprise!

So, I pull up and do the unthinkable.  I lock the doors and run Jackson to the entrance to watch him go in.  The door shuts behind me.  I am gone for maybe 45 seconds.

When I come out, I fully expect a police officer to be waiting for me.  And, about that same time...... I am thinking jail sounds pretty good!:-)

WHY, oh why did I curse myself and name my blog dirty laundry???

p.s.  Since escaping the jail sentence yesterday, Emme deposited her dinner all over me.  She was so tired because she didn't get her 2nd nap (spoiled brat!) (must be nice to have someone make you lay down for naps!) yesterday.  So, when she gets all worked up.....

This morning I have had to wipe a hiney TWICE because the man child has diarrhea.


Megan said...

Hey April! Just wanted to say that your honesty cracks me up and I love reading it! I like knowing what's going on with the kids and you guys. I think it's so fun to get Paul's ministry updates and your life updates and I love how you guys combine to make life happen! :o) Hope they're all feeling better!
-Megan Smith

Gina said...

Oh man! I have done that before, locked the doors and run in somewhere for like 30 seconds. You feel like you are going to get in so much trouble though. Yikes!

Is your life ever not going to be crazy? Just curious. =) I think the name is perfect!!

Lori said...

Oh my does one comment on such a fiasco? I think your family needs to chip in for a nanny for you for Christmas! Or maybe a week at a the very least, breakfast in bed.

Hang in there please...your mis-fortunes make for entertaining blog posts! :)

Pumpkin Head Baby Co said...

What an introduction to your new blog! The joys of motherhood!

Anonymous said...

Last Saturday we had to go out (all of us) for a breakfast (early!) While there Sophia poo'd through ALL of her clothing leaving her with a shirt and socks... we needed to grab something at the mall so we carried the poor child into the Fairfield mall with her coat and a shirt, diaper, and socks on, went to Children's Place and bought some pants...

Pam said...

Oh my you make my life seem quiet girl! hang in there.