Saturday, June 20, 2009

My dear husband

If Paul and I were having a competition during out marriage to see who could out vomit the other, he would win hands down.

In our almost 13 years of marriage, I have throw up 3 times. Once was because I took a prenatal vitamin on an empty stomach (3 pregnancies=one vomit). I threw up again about 18 months ago because I took a sinus medication on an empty stomach. Finally, I threw up our first morning in China. A 24 hour flight, a severe headache, and sinus medication on an empty stomach... that'll do it to me.

Paul on the other hand.... I think he throws up about once a month. He'll probably kill me for saying this....(Airing our dirty laundry, hence the title of the blog, people!) But, sometimes, I don't think he realizes how hungry he is, so he eats too fast, it builds up in his throat and then he has to run and get rid of it.

The funny thing is... he'll run to the bathroom, yell for "Ralph" a bit and then come back down like nothing happened and start eating again. I just stare at him because the whole scenario never ceases to perplex me.



This past Thursday morning, after about 4 hours of sleep, he woke up at an unholy hour, drove to the airport and flew to Colorado for some meetings. He called me at his first layover and then called me when he arrived in CO. I answered the phone and said, "Are you alive?"

He said, "Funny you should ask."

Then, he starts into this story about how he was hungry at his first stop so he ate some eggs.

That was his first mistake.

One of these days, he is going to realize that eggs, traveling and Paul do not go together. (2 years ago we drove to Florida to go on a cruise for my brother's wedding. We ate breakfast with a friend on the way. 2 hours later, we stopped so Paul could get rid of that breakfast for the next 20 minutes.)

Mistake number 2:

He drank 2 big glasses of water because he was trying to avoid the altitude sickness that usually accompanies his trips to Colorado.

Paul does not drink water unless it is the only liquid within a 20 mile radius. (Most adults start their day with coffee; he starts his day with Mountain Dew.)

3rd mistake: Paul must drink a carbonated beverage when and if he does eat eggs.

Well, he gets on his plane headed for the Rocky Mountain state and he is NOT feeling good. Immediately he asks for a barf bag. Can you imagine being the poor lady sitting beside him? She must have thought he looked terrible because she poured water on her sweater so she could put that across his forehead.

It was to no avail..... He felt better when his eyes were closed. But, he remembered his phone was on so he had to open his eyes to help the poor lady turn his phone off.


Meanwhile, I am on the other end of the phone, picturing this scene.

I am in no way surprised by the story up to this point. Although we have flown many times and I have never seen him throw up on a plane.... something about the scene is all too familiar to me and I am in no way alarmed.

But, then I said something and his response was, "Oh, it gets worse."

"How much worse can it be?", I am thinking. "Did you projectile vomit over rows and rows of people?"

I don't like ANY public attention. So, the thought of even looking sick with a plane full of people around me, mortifies me.

But.... then he tells me, "All of a sudden, I woke up with this guy yelling in my face: 'DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?"

"Yes! I know who I am!"

The guy goes on to tell him that his eyes rolled back and that he had a seizure. He had vomit all down his shirt. People were scrambling around. And, they asked if he wanted them to turn the plane around.

He did not.

Some poor guy on the plane gave him his shirt to wear. Then, the plane and all it's people continued on their merry way to Colorado.

Can you imagine?

The story did scare me. I told him, "Don't you go dying on me now!! You don't have any life insurance!" (That's another story for another time. He can't get life insurance.)

We have concluded a number of things from this incident: (1) It was like the perfect storm: very turbulent first plane ride, eggs, water... (maybe bad eggs, etc...) (2) His stomach was REALLY hurting; it felt like a knife ripping through his stomach. So, the pain, combined with not trying to vomit, not being in a comfortable position, etc... caused him to faint.

He did see a doctor in CO, but without a lot of tests, one can only speculate: seizure or fainting.
We really, truly believe he just fainted.

He has felt great since the whole ordeal minus very sore stomach muscles.

Meanwhile, I am at home on a heavy antibiotic for tonsillitis and on cough syrup with codeine for what looks like the beginning of bronchitis.

NEVER a dull moment with the inhabitants of this house.

P.S. For those keeping records, this is the 8th time I have been sick since coming home with Emme.


Chubby Baby Designs said...

CRAZY!!! Hope you are feeling better soon!!

Sharla said...

Ok...that is totally scary!! I'm so glad he's ok!!

Hugs friend...

Tony and Rett said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I hope you all get better soon! It's summer for pete's sake! Between your schedule and sickness we'll never meet up!

Btw, do you remember our trip home from China? Tony's like you...NO public attention, please. Well, let's just say, the plane attendants gave him an entire row to himself. And when the restrooms were full, he simply looked at another guy waiting in line and said, "Sorry." And proceeded to heave into a bag on the floor. Lovely. all the while I was dealing with two toddlers I had only met a week before and one of THEM was puking! UUGH!

Darja said...

everyone has their thing...paul's is throwing up, yours is puss pockets!!! YUM.

April Isaacs said...

I feel like I need to let everyone know that Darja is referring to the pockets of pus that I have gotten in my throat 3 times this year. I don't know how else one would interpret that... it just sounded gross enough to demand clarification.

Amy said...

I just stumbled across your blog and cracked up at this post! I too, loathe public attention! This, would have sent me over the edge. Poor hubby!

I voted for you for funniest blog! Good luck!

P.S. I have a Jackson too:)

The Gang's Momma said...

LOL - that poor man. You should have posted a warning for a barf bag at the beginning of this post, for those of us with really sensitive tummies ;)

Feel better soon - go easy on that codeine. Makes you say funny stuff you didn't really want others to know. Not that I've done that. I'm just sayin' :)

Jenney said...

Perhaps Emme's puking thing she (maybe used to have...not sure) has is genetic...she got it from Paul. Wait...