Monday, September 28, 2009

What do Emme and Pebbles have in common?

The forces of nature are trying to hold me hostage in my house. First it was the white trash squirrel in my van. Seriously, have you thought about that? There are hundreds of trees just around my house and this so called mother builds her child a nest in my van. (Click, if you missed that post.) Seriously, does she think that throwing a few leaves under the hood of a van constitutes suitable living conditions? What kind of mother is she?

Then, Saturday morning, we are all running around like chickens with out heads cut off because... not 1, not 2, but all three kids had soccer games. I hit the ground running so hard that I didn't even have a chance to make coffee. Which, in all honesty, suited me just fine. There just 'happens' to be a Starbucks on the way to the fields. I mean, if I am forced, I don't mind stopping there for coffee.

But, as it turns out, I didn't even really need the coffee.

In the morning, one of the first things I do is run around and open all the blinds in the bedrooms. I can't stand to have them closed. (Hey, did you know that people who like their windows open like that... they like people and have a welcoming home. I'm just saying....)

So, I opened the blind in my room... the one that's RIGHT next to my bed, on my side, where I sleep.... and I am pretty sure that as soon as the blind went up, I hit the ground. Seriously, it would have been no different if someone had shot me because..... this is what I saw:

You don't need coffee when that is what greets you in the morning!

That's the biggest spider I have seen around these here parts. (My dad's from Hazzard, KY... I can talk like that sometimes.) I can't live here anymore. There was no way to get to that spider and smash him to smithereens. He was on the 2nd floor window, right in the middle of the window. Saturday afternoon and Sunday, I got used to him being right outside my window. At least I could keep an eye on him.

Then, Monday morning, the girls came running up the stairs announcing that the hurricane force winds moving through here yesterday, knocked him down... they saw him rappelling down as they were looking out the window below my window. What are the chances? Now, he's on the ground. What am I supposed to do about that? I am going to come outside one day, and Emme is going to be riding him. That's how big that spider is.

Lurking in the deep recesses of my mind was this picture. (Hey, I liked cartoons when I was a kid.) I scoured the internet to find the picture. That's Jackson pulling Emme. I don't know who the other two are because Paul has no hair and if I have to look like that mom to be skinny, I'll stay just the way I am. Thankyouverymuch!

Does that not SO look like Emme riding a spider? hahaha!


gnangle04 said...

How do you come up with this stuff!!?? Creepy spider on the window, one which I've never seen in Ohio, but then you have a funny picture to back it up!!! Impressive.

Tony and Rett said...

Yeesh, I don't check your blog for like, a day, and look at all of these posts!!!

Today, I got down my classroom fall decorations and found a big hairy spider. I snuck up behind another teacher and placed it on her shoulder. She screamed! I laughed! The kids hooted! It was the best! They have since named the spider, Bob.

Shall we call you Little Miss Muffet?

Chubby Baby Designs said...

You would LOVE the ones we come across in Trinidad!! :)

Sharla said...

I am cracking up as usual!! And I so understand your fear of spiders, I don't smash them, I drown them in RAID!! A really BIG one got in our house once and I'm sure the construction workers thought I was killing someone as I stood screaming "DIE" at the spider who wouldn't die, even in all the RAID... I called Scott and he thought someone had really died, that's how upset I was... So girlfriend, I can TOTALLY relate!!

I knew I liked you!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, April, I am so glad that you did not break your window throwing something @ that "thing"! I don't know what I would have done since it was on the 2nd story window. One day I came home, there was a BIG spider (I mean BIG) in my garage. I sprayed it, it ran under my car wheel, what was I to do---I jumped in my car and ran over it! I am so thankful that I had not yet closed the garage door because I drove back over that thing so quickly, I would have run right thru my garage door.

BTW, I am Sharla's Mom, her fear is genetic!