Monday, February 23, 2009

Audrey Part II

     If you missed the post from last night, you will want to read that first.  Scroll down and read the post from 2/22/09.

     Audrey, in her shaky voice, said, "Just read some verses on faith."

     Paul pulled out his Bible, showed her some verses, and together they settled on what he would read the following day at the graveside service.

     I remember driving to the cemetery and saying to Paul, "Are you sure you're ready?  I haven't see you prepare much for this?

     He said, "I don't really have much to say.  I never met the man.  I am just going to read his obituary and then read the verses she wanted me to read."

     When we arrived at the cemetery, we were greeted by a handful of their friends and their lawyer.  We made small talk and then worked our way up to the tent.

     Much to our surprise, there was not a casket with Harold's body in it.  Instead, there was a table with a urn setting on top.  And, under the table, there was another urn.

     Not being one to mince words, I looked at Audrey and screamed (yes, screamed.  Remember, she can't hear.), "WHO'S THAT UNDER THE TABLE?" 

     She looked at me as if I were the odd one and said, "That's my sister!"

     Her sister!!!  What in the world?????!!  What is this two for the price of one?

     I decided not to bother with any more questions.

     Once we were sure our audience was complete, Paul started in on the service.  There were only about 15 people there including my mom, myself, Paul, Shelby, Audrey and her lawyer.

     Paul began by reading the obituary.  He then read the requested verses and then... something possessed him to say more than what was rehearsed.  Having little to say about a man he had never even seen, he realized he needed more material than the 3 minutes it took to read the obituary and the few verses Audrey had chosen.

    He continued with the service said, "Harold is in Heaven...... hopefully."

     My eyes grew as big as saucers and then about popped out of my head.  He said HOPEFULLY.  He said Harold is in heaven... hopefully.

     He caught a glimpse of my bulging eyes.  And, then, he stammered around for some more words.

     "And, Audrey will soon be joining him.... like in 5, 10, 20 years."

     If it were possible, my eyes grew even larger.  He just said Audrey will soon be joining him.  The pastor, my husband,  just gave Audrey her death sentence.  Are you kidding me?

     Everything went blurry for a moment until Audrey's voice snapped me back to remind me  where I was.  I was under a tent where my husband suddenly got a conscience and decided since he had never spoken the first word with Harold  he couldn't speak with certainty on the eternal destination of her DEAD husband.  So, HOPEFULLY, Harold is in heaven!

     Audrey seemed to yell at Paul and say, "You're gonna have to speak up.  I can't hear a word you are saying!!"

      It seems Audrey may have been spared the news that Harold may or may not be in Heaven and that she would soon be joining him... in 5, 10 or 20 years.  

     The rest of us, well, we have a great story to tell.

     All of that to say, it would stand to reason why I get a little afraid when Paul speaks and I am there to listen.  Now, don't get me wrong.  He has redeemed himself over and over and over again.  He has perfected his funeral service.  His wedding ceremonies... the best I have heard. He has emceed many events.  He has spoken to hundred of college students at a time.  He is a very confident, very good speaker.

     However, I always find I am the one with the nervous stomach any time he has to do stand up in front of a large group of people and teach.  So, for 10 days or so leading up to February 22, I found myself shivering every time I remembered that he was asked to fill in for the pastor of a very large church (+-3000 people) in the area.

     Friday night, I even did such a girl thing.  I remembered he had mentioned a vest he wanted so I went and bought it.  Come on girls!  You know getting new clothes for ANY event makes us feel better.  And, don't we always perform better when think we look good??

     I came home all excited to give him the vest he had talked about.  

     He didn't get it.  He just could not get over the fact that I spent $44 for a vest.  I told him it was my tutoring money and to get over it.

     And, so yesterday with his gray and white argyle vest, he delivered one of the best if not THE BEST, sermon I have ever heard him give.... 3 times even!!

    But, can you see understand why I would have been afraid?

     Stayed tuned... this week for part III of Things I am Afraid Of and the rest of the story of Audrey.  I know you can't wait!


Lori said...

Oh my stars. That is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard!! MY eyes were bulging out...I just can't imagine BEING there.

You really should submit that to Reader's Digest or some other magazine. SERIOUSLY!!

Sharla said...

There's more?! Girl, this is so not fair, I'm hanging on the edge of my seat...

That is the funniest story and yet incredibly profound... It makes me so thankful that I'm certain that Heaven is my final destination...not just hopefully. makes me want to be sure that I don't have any 'hopefully's' in my life that might not be certain!

Please don't wait past tomorrow to tell us the rest of the story!

Oh...and is there a link to the church where he preached so we can hear his awesome sermon?


A little piece of 7th heaven said...

That story had me cracking your stories usually do. You have such a knack for telling a story.
Can't wait til' the next part:)

Jenney said...

You should get extra money by writing books or magazine articles, not tutoring! You are hilarious.

TCKK said...

That is funny! I don't worry any more when my husband preaches (at least not too much), but he scares me when he sings. He has the most beautiful voice, but he sometimes forgets the words. I'll never forget not long after we married he was singing a solo and sang the 2nd verse first (he couldn't remember the words to the 1st verse) and then he made up words for the 2nd verse right there on the fly. I don't think anyone else even noticed, but he sure took a year or so off my life that day!! lol

Darja said...

that story gets funnier every time i hear it. i hope paul says something awkward at my funeral.
and i hope he's like 120 years old when it happens.
anyway, i have started reading your blog out loud to bruce, and he thinks it's funny. you should feel lucky, he doesn't even read MY blog!

Sarah said...

Oh my god that's the most hilarious story ever! I can imagine how awkward it must have been to be there.

Anonymous said...

The title of you last two blogs makes me think of Lisa Moore and i am laughing out loud. Do you remember her encouraging us to take Breaking Free and you said that you didn't have anything to break free of? Also I am laughing as I can imagine both of your expressions that day of the funeral. You guys are so funny.
Love ya,

Anonymous said...

I would have DIED! I couldn't stand sitting through a sermon of Stephen's because I get so nervous for him. I'd either volunteer to run his sermon notes, or something else... I always felt like I'd throw up... I'm getting much better now, which is a good thing since I sit in the front row each week...

Anyways, Paul did a great job. We were so surprised to see his name in the bulletin! It was a pleasant surprise. We're heading to SB this Saturday.