I Can't Stop Winking at People

SOOOO, I was sick this past weekend. Fever, body aches, stomach "issues", etc... I think I managed to move around the house about 7 pm Saturday night.... and then I laid back down and watched a movie with the kids.

On Sunday after church, Janae's mom very graciously asked me and ALL my kids to go to lunch with her. Actually, I'm not sure if she is kind or crazy. Either way, it was a huge blessing not to have to go home and fix lunch ... because.... Did I mention Paul was out of town all weekend.

Oh yeah!

I was drinking coffee at lunch thinking a) this coffee is terrible and b) my mouth feels kinda weird.

Later Sunday night, I remember thinking, "I can't really taste anything" and I even googled it because I thought it was a bit odd. People talk about not being able to taste when they have a cold, but, I don't have a cold... so I thought I should make a diagnosis/

Then on Monday morning, I was eating my oatmeal... OF COURSE! (Scroll down for my latest food obsession recipe.) and I thought my mouth felt weird. Then I was reading my Bible and I thought, "I don't think I can wink my right eye". I can usually wink both eyes separately. Then all of a sudden I thought, "Bell's Palsey". Don't ask me where that came from.

I looked it up and concluded my diagnosis was indeed correct.

So, I called my friend Janae and I called my friend Donna and they both said I should go to the doctor. I'm big on multiple opinions and an agreement of those opinions and so..... I went to the doctor.

The doctor confirmed my diagnosis. (Dang it! Should have gone to med school.) (My brother, who is a real doctor, told me I was an internet MD. Translation: I got my degree online in 20 minutes.)

Today, I decided Bell's Palsey is really annoying. I hate the name. I'm super dizzy... I can't tell you how many times I have about wiped out. My eye by the end of the day hurts BECAUSE IT'S WORN OUT from being open all day... plus I think the eye ball itself is paralyzed. It took me forever to focus this morning and see straight.

To top it all off, I got an email from a person who is supposed to be my best friend. I was thanking her for knowing what I needed on Monday and she replied by saying:

"I loved that you wanted to be with me and continued to show it by winking at me all the time!"

Who makes fun of someone who can't blink their eye because it's PARALYZED. And, every time I would look at her at our Bible study today, she would wink at me.

So mean.

Then there's my sweet little Jacskson who's teacher sent me a message letting me know that his class was praying for me today. He clearly requested the prayer.

When he walked in from school this afternoon he said, "Hey MOM! Is your face more paralyzed?"

On a positive note, I am VERY thankful it's mild and even more thankful and appreciate of being healthy.

Cranial Nerve #7

I often make the comment that things are on my last nerve. This time, however, I want to be very specific and tell you that something is on cranial nerve #7.

It's not Taffy or Paul. It's not the kids or even the in-laws. To be perfectly honest, I am not even sure what's on it.

But, because something is on it...I do know what a fish feels like. You know, when it's got that hook in the side of it's mouth and it's being reeled in for the catch.

Yeah, I know because my lip looks a bit like that. And, my right eye... it's not cooperating. When I try to wink it... nope, it won't wink. When I blink, it stays open.

And, finally, I can't decide if this is the worst part of the best part... I can't taste a thing. Honestly, if you told me to close my eyes (and if I could get my right eye closed) I am not sure if I could taste the difference between headcheese (click here for previous post on that very topic) and cheesecake. This whole thing could be a huge blessing if I could forget about eating for as long as my 7th cranial nerve is being attacked.

When something is on your 7th cranial nerve, you have Bell's Palsey. At this point, I am thinking it's a very, very minor case. The doctor also thinks it is minor.

If you could pray for my partially paralyzed face, that'd be fabulous!

I'll tell you more in my next post. Just wanted to quickly get a post up... trying to be better about blogging!

Randomness

Yesterday Janae and I were out running some errands. We were looking at something that Shelby requested for Christmas when all of a sudden Janae looked over and said, "Why do those boots look like they need to be circumsized?"

I was thinking, "What in THE HECK is she talking about?" as I scanned the boots in the store. I didn't want to ask her as I was sure I would know when I saw them. N O W....... this is all happening within a matter of seconds.

So, I continued to scan and when I saw the boots, I literally doubled over in laughter. I didn't think I was going to recover from that one. Sometimes, when I start laughing, I can not be stopped.

However, I recovered enough to take a picture.

I showed Paul the boots when I got home and he said he didn't get it. He also said we were sick. He ALSO said that I couldn't blog about it because discretion is a lost art. I decided it should remain lost AND blog about it anyway.

I'm in trouble.

Next, we were following this car one day.

A cat sitter? Is there really a market for this? If there is, I missed an income opportunity like no other.....BECAUSE...... what in the heck does a cat sitter do? Sit in the house and read a book while the cats go about their business? I mean SIGN ME UP!! Cats are persnickety. They don't like to be bothered. They certainly don't want you to throw a ball or a frisbee to them. They don't need to go out and do their business... they do it in a pan for crying out loud... in the house!! Whoever came up with that one anyway? That is so gross! AND, the last time I checked, cats don't walk on leashes, so that's not part of the job description. But, then again, birds don't usually get walked around neighborhoods in mesh cages either and I got that going on in my neighborhood.


SO, I might want to further investigate before I venture into a new career.

And, that cat sitter lady... she drives like a bat out of HADES too. It was work to catch up with her to take a picture of her car along with her ridiculous license plate that she paid an extra $50 for. Do you know what I could do with that bucks?

I could at least buy some uncircumsized boots!

Next.......

One day, our family was driving in an unfamiliar area looking for a park where Jackson was supposed to play a soccer game. I was driving while Paul was studying for a talk he had to give later in the day when Jackson spotted 2 people on a bike and yelled "Look!!! 2 hobos riding their bikes!!"

What does it say about my parenting that he called those people hobos? Why did he call them that anyway? Was it because they were in green army type jackets? I was so perplexed and laughing so hard all while searching for a hidden park AND taking a picture of the hobos that I never got to address the whole topic. I was just looking at the pictures on my phone and I thought the world should know that if you wear a green army type jacket... my son just may call you a hobo. So, beware!

Next....

I got these shoes for my birthday from Paul. He knew I liked them because a little birdie told him. Now, the consensus among my children and a few of my friends (not the little birdie friend) is that they don't really match my personality. What I hear my children and others saying is, "You are not cool enough to wear those shoes."

I just thought you should see my shoes and judge for yourselves. I'm still wearing them because I do think I am cool enough to wear them. And, in the book of Proverbs there is a verse that says, "As a man (or woman) thinks, so he is." In other words, whatever you think about yourself is how you are... so I am going to go ahead and think that I am hip and cool enough to pull off some sparkly-type of converse shoe.

I might even start wearing them every single day no matter the outfit.

Finally.......

Just some cute pictures of Emme.





This was after trick or treat. She was grapes. I popped her balloons and Paul called her a raisin.


A couple of Friday nights ago, I was sitting in the car with Gracie and Emme while Jackson was practicing soccer. There were some scissors in the car and I decided right then and there that Emme looked like a long-haired chihuahua and that I should cut her hair.

Gracie said, "You are the weirdest mom EVER! Who cuts their child's hair, IN THE CAR, AT SOCCER PRACTICE?" She was really offended by the whole scene.

I cared not.

Emme before school the other day in her NIKES that I got at a Thrift shop and a mini skirt and leg warmers and shirt... passed down from our neighbor.

THE END

You are going to love this breakfast!

One of my best friends in all the world is Gina. She makes me laugh really hard.

Several years ago, she told me this story about her little sister, Andrea. To this day, every time I think about the story it cracks up.

Andrea and Gina were in the car with 2 guys and Andrea said, "I make THE BEST tuna fish sandwich!"

The one guy says, "I hate tuna fish sandwiches!" (Let's call the call Brian... cuz I think he needs a name.)

So Andrea says, "Do you like tuna?"

Brian says, "NO!"

"Do you like mayonnaise?"

"NO."

"Do you like celery?"

"No."

A bit exasperated Andrea says, "Do you like white bread?"

"Yes."

She says, "Well!!........ Then you are going to LOVE this sandwich!"

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

SOOOOO ....... my question to you is this:

Do you like oatmeal?

Do you like crunchy peanut butter?

Do you like chocolate chips?

Then you are going to LOVE this breakfast!!!

Because I am obsessive (Yes, I need help, but at least I can admit it!), I have eaten this every single day for weeks. Truth be told, I will probably be eating this for weeks and weeks and weeks to come.

1/2 c oatmeal (Old Fashioned), 2 teaspoons of peanut butter, 1 tsp chocolate chips, and 2 packets of sweetener. (I use Truvia.) (I hate that name by the way.... it seriously makes me consider not even buying it.) Cover with water and microwave for 2 minutes.

After you nuke it, put in a tad of milk and stir thoroughly.

You can thank me later for giving you the best breakfast ever.

It's later.

Big Changes for Emme

Emme's little world has expanded. She now wears big girl underwear and sleeps in a big girl bed. She rides a bus and goes to school. And, she's another year older and wiser.

And with everyone of these things, has come an adventure.

First of all, she's a whopping 18 pounds. Have you ever tried to find underwear to fit someone who is 18 pounds? It's impossible. My friend Janae and I... we searched the world over to find some that would stay over her little biscuits. There were none to be found. Thankfully, Janae's got skillz. We bought some underwear and she set to work altering every single pair. I am now the proud owner of 25 of the smallest pairs of underwear in the world. (Um... why do we say underwear comes in pairs? Pairs of what? I almost feel stupid saying pairs of underwear all of a sudden.) Anyway, they have to be the cutest pairs of underwear in all the world.

For the most part, Emme uses the big potty. I am afraid we are going to flush her back to China when I see her sitting up there, but so far she's managed to stay here with us. She does have an issue with the whole #2 thing. She will only perform that in the diaper. Why any 3 year old intelligent enough to know the ins and outs of the iphone would want to sit around in her own fecal matter is beyond me, but hey, everyone has their issues, right?

We had a little tiny party for Emme's 3rd birthday. I was convinced we were having a Dora party because she's all about Dora, but every time I asked her what kind of party she was going to have... she would insist she was having an Elmo party. It matters not that I don't think she's ever seen the first Elmo tv show. But, nonetheless, she had it in her little mind that she was having an Elmo party. So, Janae set to work and displayed some more of her skillz and made Emme's cake. I think it was about the cutest cake I have ever seen.

Emme's also going to school. And, bless her little heart, she's riding the short bus there. It's true. She qualified for speech services through our awesome school district and I'm proudly sending her to one of the best schools I know. The bus picks her up. It only has little preschoolers on it. Plus, there is an aide on the bus who straps her into her little car seat. I LOVE the principal at Emme's school and we decided that at the end of her time there, a plaque may have to be purchased and displayed in her name. See, the building is really just a K/1 building, but the preschool outgrew itself and so 2 of the classes have had to move to this building. So, if Emme attends next year again as a preschooler, and then again the following year as what they call a Young 5, and then the next year as a Kindergardener, and then lastly as a 1st grader, she will have spent 5 years in the K/1 building. Maybe by that time she will be able to walk up the steps to the bus instead of climbing them.

Finally, little Em moved to a big girl bed. She's actually sleeping in a trundle that comes out of the girls bunk bed. Tuesday night was her first night in the bed. About an hour after she fell asleep, I went into check on her and found her plastered face down on the hardwood floor. I called Paul in so we could crack up together. I mean, poor thing, she looked like she'd been shot... so we put her back in bed. About 1 am, she waltzed into our room, woke up Paul and spent the rest of the night nestled between the two of us. I woke her up at 8:50 so I could make it to my 9 am haircut. I am glad someone slept well.

Speaking of sleeping, that little thing has been interrupting my sleep for exactly 2 years now. On September 8, 2008, in a dingy, government building room in Nanning (Guangxi Province), China, someone handed me one of the tiniest, most precious gifts in all the world. Toothless and wide-eyed, she came right to us. I LOVE LOVE LOVE thinking about our trip to get her and amazed all the time at the huge blessing she is to our family.

Yes, she almost burnt her lips off trying to blow out her candles.

Since I wrote this on September 8 and it's taken me two months to publish the post, there are some other things you should know about Emme.

Emme now goes poopy in the potty. When she needs to go, she announces that her butt is full... which I think makes perfect sense. I may actually start making that announcement myself. I don't know how that will go over with my friends and family, but I like the statement that much.

One day I found Emme sitting on the potty doing #2 and eating a piece of garlic bread. I don't want to know where she put the garlic bread while she was in transition. I try not to think about those things.

One last thing about #2 and I'll be on my way. Whenever she poops, she looks into the potty and tells me what she pooped... so far today we've had an alligator and a little snake.

Have you ever been to a mock car wash?

One day, not too long ago, Janae and I were out and about doing whatever is it that us "stay at home moms" do. And, lest you think nothing.... don't even get me started.

Really, it matters not what we were doing. I'm finding myself a little feisty right now because I just spent 5 hours straight working on a George Washington Carver project. I'm about to pull my kids out of school and homeschool them again. I am that delusional.

ANYWAY....

So, Janae and I were by the school that our children attend and she looked over to see a sign in front of the school. She read the sign: "Mock car wash." She pondered that for a second and then she said, "Now, how in the world do they do that?"

As she continued deeply thinking it through, she started acting out the car wash. She was doing the famous wax on wax off movement with her hands. She was spraying the car down with her imaginary hose and just desperately trying to figure out the whole concept.

Meanwhile, I sat in the seat next to her and watched . As she took a break and waited for me to chime in, she looked over to see me just starring at her. She got this blank expression on her face and without any emotion in my tone I said to her, "Can you read that sign again?"

(I know you can barely see the picture, but I HAD to have A picture.)

Janae turned to read the sign again and said, "OH!! MOCK CAR CRASH!"

That was it! We could barely drive. Doubled over laughing, the kind that gives you the worst stomachache, tears streaming down the face, we barely made it back to my house.

And, for days I told the story and laughed about it.

Several days later, Janae and her husband, Michael, went out of state and bought a boat. The next day they wanted to go out on the boat. I was invited to be part of the maiden voyage. I wasn't about to miss out on that, but I had to work a football game later in the evening. The only way I could go was to drive myself and follow them.

As we were leaving town, they needed gas. They pulled into a gas station and I pulled to the front of the store so I could park. I didn't want to be behind the big truck and boat as they tried to maneuver it at a gas station for the first time. They pulled forward and backed up once or twice. I really wasn't paying that much attention to be honest. I was catching up on Facebook statuses on my phone while I waited for them. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Janae walk up to the van next to me. She started rubbing something on the passenger side of that van.

I was like, "OH NO!!! They hit that van when they were pulling forward and she's trying to rub off the paint they left behind. That's terrible! The first time out and they hit something. Michael's going to be so mad!" And on and on and on went my thoughts.

All of a sudden, rounding the front corner of that van parked next to me, the same van Janae was rubbing, a little old lady barreled around in her wheelchair. The lady had a rag and was madly wiping down all the water spots on her van that she had just taken through the car wash. Janae had gotten out of the van to help as she was sure the old woman was going to spill out of her wheelchair at any moment. As I was putting all this together, a loud knock on my window (driver's side) caused me to jump and turn to see who could possibly want my attention. It really startled me because I was looking out my passenger side window watching Janae.

It was Michael.

I opened my door and he quickly poked his head in and said, "Janae's participating in a mock car wash."

As quickly as he appeared, he was gone.

I was on my own.... doubled-over, laughing... trying, through tears to follow them to the lake.

Days after questioning a mock car wash, bless her heart, she got to be part of one. If the Lord doesn't have a sense of humor..........

The cup

In Matthew 26:39, Jesus prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

On a very serious note, the cup Jesus was referring to was dying on the cross for the sins of all mankind. Did you know he did that for you? He didn't want to do it. He was asking God for another way (cup), but in the end, he submitted knowing it was the will of the God.

On a much, much lighter note, I too have been praying for a cup. Seriously, this cup is driving me crazy.

Clearly, I spend too much time at Chick Fil A. In my defense, I have a 3 year old that weighs 18 pounds and LOVES their chicken nuggets. AND, I have lots of coupons for free chicken nuggets. So see, it's just the perfect combination. But, despite the coupons or the cries for "CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!!" My trips to Chick Fil A may have to come to an abrupt halt!

Every time I go to Chick Fil A, I have to look over and see this cup. It stands outside a Quiznos. The first time I noticed the cup, I am pretty sure I held up the whole drive-through line. I just kept starring and starring. Finally, I pulled out my camera and took a picture.

And then I had all these things going through my mind. What is wrong with that cup?! How in the world is that person standing like that? What in the heck is wrong the person? Seriously, he has be drunk! Why is he standing in the big pothole in the ground? How in the world does he not move his feet? Isn't he about to fall over? It took everything I had not to run over, rip the cup off the body and check the person's pulse.

The next time I went to Chick Fil A, the cup was standing in the same place but this time he was standing straight up. Shew! The cup was not nearly so disturbing and I didn't feel the need to go on a rescue mission.

But then I went to Chick Fil A again and this time the cup was leaning in a completely different way. I stopped traffic again. I pulled out my phone and took a few pictures. Then I pondered contacting an attorney on behalf of the poor guy standing in this cup. I decided that the store was abusing someone. There was no way on God's green earth that the person in that cup could be conscious... or mentally stable.

I haven't figured it out yet. But what does it say that I have spent that much time on this? I've taken pictures of the cup, downloaded the pictures, blogged about the cup. I've talked to others about the cup. I've thought about the cup when I was no where near the cup. I've gotten mad at Quiznos and vowed never to eat there because of the cup.

On a side note, Paul calls me obsessive/compulsive. I can't figure that out either.